


Fucking Perfect

by Badassium1970



Category: Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Body Image, M/M, self-hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 18:31:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8295784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Badassium1970/pseuds/Badassium1970
Summary: Why does Brian love me?





	

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written male readers before but got requested to, I've also been going through a lot with school so I'm sorry if this isn't up to my usual standard.

Why did this have to be happening again, and why did it have to happen when Brian was around. 

We’d been dating for over a year, I shouldn’t still feel self-conscience anymore, I shouldn’t feel jealous. Yet I did. 

Why was Brian with me? Of all the men he was around, they were all so much better than me. 

Arin, he was so strong, and had so much more muscle than me, if he tried he could easily kill me. Not that he would, but why would Brian want to be with someone so weak and unable to protect themselves? 

Then there was Dan, who was so talented and had a lot more drive than me. Why wouldn’t Brian want to be with someone that he could see every day, who worked so hard to get to where he is now, successful, unlike me who was still stuck in retail. He was also so much skinnier and better looking. 

He could be with Ross, they were always taking part in interesting and hilarious banter, whereas I became awkward, even when it’s just Brian and I. I liked to be by myself or be silent for a while. Wouldn’t it be better for him to be with someone who he could constantly talk to. Plus Ross had those bright eyes, and high cheek bones. My face was just dull. 

Barry was awesome too, so considerate. He was so easy to talk to, and gave great advice. How could Brian not want to be with someone like that. Plus, he gave the best hugs, he was just cuddly, unlike me, I had bones that stuck out in all the wrong places. 

I didn’t really know Vernon, Jack, Ryan or Matt that well, what with working so much just to scrape up enough money to live, but they were all so handsome, and from what I’d seen great and funny people. Why would Brian want me? 

It was a question I asked myself way too much, and the amount of times I’d asked myself had increased now that I had been hanging out at the Grump space more, Arin had let me help out organising and cleaning and honestly he was paying me more that he should, I made more money doing that than my boring nine to five job. I tried to tell him it was too much but he wouldn’t listen. Arin shouldn’t have to support me; I was meant to be an adult. Brian supported me a lot too, not just financially but emotionally and he shouldn’t have to go through that. 

I couldn’t help comparing myself to the other guys, sometimes it was the differences in personas, other times the way I looked compared to them. Today was the latter, which was how I had ended up staring at myself in the mirror for hours on my only day off, trying to calm down because Brian was going to be over soon and I didn’t want him to see me like this. I’d done so well hiding how insecure I was. 

Eyes roaming over my body, how some parts stuck out and were body, other parts were too fleshy for my liking. My body was practically hairless in some places, yet too hairy in others. I looked like two people fused together who shouldn’t have been. How could anyone love me. 

I heard the front door of my shitty apartment and I didn’t know what to do. My chest hurt, my head wouldn’t shut up; I couldn’t do anything now but panic, causing my breathing to become rapid and irregular. It hurt, everything hurt. 

“Babe?” I heard Brian question as he walked closer to the room. Could he hear me right now? If only I could be quiet, then I could pretend I wasn’t here. Brian didn’t need to see me like this. 

Of course he did. He rushed into the bedroom before I had the chance to lock it. I wanted to hide, but there was nowhere to run. It was time to face the music. Now Brian would realise how pathetic and ugly I am if he hadn’t already and finally leave me. 

“Baby, it’s okay. Shh, I’m here, just focus on my voice.” Brian’s voice was so soothing; I couldn’t help leaning into his touch. He always did this when I had a panic attack or was going through a rough time and I didn’t deserve it. 

“Shh baby, you’re thinking too hard.” I would have rolled my eyes at that if I wasn’t currently balling my eyes out. 

Eventually I did calm down, Brian was just too good at relaxing me and I couldn’t resist any longer, but the whole time I was looking in the mirror at how wrong I looked next to him. How imperfect I was in comparison. I still couldn’t shake that feeling of not being good enough and Brian seemed to get that. 

“You know I love you right? No matter what.” His whispered in my ear, before planting small kisses on my neck as his hands started to roam my body, down my arms first, then up my hips, then he wrapped his arms around my waist. Tears sprung to my eyes again. I didn’t deserve this. I didn’t want him to tell me I wasn’t ugly because I was. He knew some of the most beautiful and handsome men in the world, how could he think I was anything compared to them. 

“Bri please, I’m fine, just…” I tried to escape from his embrace, but he just pulled me closer. His t-shirt was soft against my bare back and I shivered, feeling exposed in just my boxers. Giving up on getting out of Brian’s arms I tried to at least reach my t-shirt on the bed but it was a fruitless task. 

“You’re beautiful.” 

There it was, the lies were coming. I couldn’t handle this didn’t need it. Brian wouldn’t let me go though and although I was afraid of hurting him I started thrashing until he let go of me, shocked. Blushing I left, grabbing my shirt. Where I was going to go I didn’t know. It wasn’t as if I could go out in just boxers and a t-shirt. 

Before I got too far from the bedroom my body had already made the choice that I was going to collapse on the floor sobbing and of course Brian was by my side in seconds, trying to help me again but he was more hesitant in what he did this time. I shouldn’t be putting him though this, he deserved better. 

“Come on sweetie, please just ignore that voice in your head. You know I love you, please know that.” Brian sounded so desperate, which only made me feel worse. I was causing him upset now. 

“I’m here for you, just remember I love you, keep telling yourself that.” 

My eyes met Brian’s which were glossy due to trying not to cry. He did love me, I knew that. I just didn’t understand way. Did it matter? We both loved each other, that should be all right? 

He took me back into the bedroom, standing me in front of the mirror. I didn’t want to look at myself, and instead my eyes were drawn to the floor. 

“Tell me what you see,” Brian demanded, but his voice was soft, it was almost more like a plea. 

“Ug… ugly,” I choked out. 

“You’re not baby. Why do you think that?” Brian wiped away my tears, holding me close but he wasn’t moving his hands to touch my body. 

“I… I… I’m… I’m not like the others, they’re so much better than me and I don’t get why you love me,” I admitted a blush creeping over my face however it wouldn’t have been noticeable since my face was already pink from crying. 

“Baby, I love you because of who you are. Don’t compare yourself to the other guys, I don’t love them, I love you.” Brian smiled against my neck before kissing my neck. 

“I love your body to—” Brian’s voice lowered and was now deep and sultry, “—how easy you are to pin down on the bed. Those cute faces you make when I’m deep inside you, how tight your ass is. Most of all how easily you get hard for me.”

Brian was right, I was already at half mass when he brought his hand down to my cock. I let out a whine but I didn’t want this right now. 

“Brian, I don’t want to do this right now, I’m not in the mood.” He listened to me and stopped palming at my dick, which caused me to whimper but I knew I couldn’t have sex right now, I was too tired, but I felt a little better. 

“I’m sorry,” Brian frowned, and I knew he thought that he’d made me uncomfortable. 

“No, it’s not that I just, I’m tired.” 

To my surprise Brian scooped me up in his arms and laid me on the bed, then he kicked off his shoes and took off his pants before lying next to me. 

“Thank you,” I whispered, cuddling into Brian, the warmth of his body comforting me. His heartbeat was calming, and my breathing started to coincide with his. 

“Just promise me you’ll tell me next time you feel like this okay baby, because you’re fucking perfect to me and I’ll say that as many times as I need to.” 

I nodded, trying to bury my face in the covers feeling embarrassed. Soon I heard loud snoring, and Brian was asleep. Weirdly being with him for so long I’d gotten used to Brian’s snoring and somehow it was soothing and helped me fall asleep in his arms.


End file.
